Saturday, January 28, 2012

Tennis Ball

I was late for work every day this week.

With my bike on the fritz and the icy roads making it tricky to push a stroller I decided to try an experiment: What if Skye and I just walked to school in the morning? (NOTE: Skye goes to daycare every day, but it's called Lit'l Scholars, so we refer to it as "school")

It turns out that 2-year-olds are really slow walkers. I think it's a combination of the tiny legs and the short attention span. Our path was never a straight brisk walk, but rather more of a meandering stroll.

I stressed a bit knowing I'd have to work through lunch to get everything done at the office and I envied my little daughter with no agenda or schedule to keep.

We made tracks in the snow, and compared the size of our shoe prints. We learned what kind of tracks dogs make and to stay away from the yellow snow. We stopped to stare at birds, clouds, airplanes, and mountains. We counted trees. We practiced our colors and the ABC's. We sang songs. We took time to pet some dogs and to scare away some cats. We talked about cars and trucks and buses and bikes. We enjoyed the smell of coffee and bacon. We huddled together to try and keep warm. We laughed.



On Friday Skye found an old chewed-up tennis ball about 2 minutes into our walk and decided it would be fun to kick it along the sidewalk...the entire way. I joined in.

I was REALLY late for work on Friday...and I didn't care.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

I've got something in my eye

My uncle Kim used to love to tell a joke that went something like this:

At the end of her tear-filled emotional talk in church a woman apologized to the congregation for letting her emotions get the best of her and struggling to get through her words, "I'm sorry for being such a big boob."
In an attempt to lighten the mood the bishop quickly took the microphone with an admission, "That's okay Sister [Johnson], we like big boobs!"

As much as I like big boobs as well I don't find it endearing to use that term to describe my own state of emotions. However it appears that today maybe some of Breck's pregnancy hormones may have rubbed off on me as my mental state has run the gamut.

This morning I left the house anxious to get to the office after a 4-day weekend. An exciting project awaited me on my desk and I needed to get to work.

As I arrived at the office I immediately noticed that I had received some mail while I was gone; I knew right away what it was: my test score. I debated waiting to find out the results until the end of the day but knew that I'd never be able to focus with that envelope glaring up at me. I grabbed some coffee, sat down, took a deep breath, and opened the letter.

The bold-lettered word FAIL stared back at me.

Not only was this supposed to be my last test on the road to my license, it was also my second attempt. Following try #1 I wasn't surprised with the failed results. After try #2 however, my confidence was high.

In disbelief and denial I quicky shoved the letter back in the envelope and hid it away in my drawer. I turned on my headphones, put my head down, and got to work.

Hours later I knew I needed to get out of the office so I headed to lunch. On the 1/4 mile walk I must have looked like a crazy person as I muttered frustrations and obscenities to myself. How could I have failed the test again? I was sure this was it, this was the end of the road; the beginning of a new chapter in my career. Was McDonald's really the answer? I piled on another bad decision to my not-so-great morning and walked in.

Following my less-than-satisfying lunch I was leaving the restaurant when I noticed the interactions of a father with his young (3 or 4-year-old) daughter. My thoughts immediately turned to my own daughter at home. Once again I looked like a crazy pereson to the observer who witnessed my tears as I walked down the street.

Why was I crying at the mere sight of a father/daughter lunch outing?

It reminded me of my motivation to continue the daily grind toward my goal. It reminded me that my life is no longer my own.

It reminded me that despite the persona that I may try to fool people into believing about me, deep down I'm really just a big boob.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Faking It

This is one of the best books I've read in a long time (and I'm only halfway through).

Here's an excerpt from "Manhood for Amateurs" by Michael Chabon:

This is an essential element of the business of being a man: to flood everyone around you in a great radiant arc of bullshit, one whose source and object of greatest intensity is yourself. To behave as if you have everything firmly under control even when you have just sailed your boat over the falls. "To keep your head," wrote Rudyard Kipling in his classic poem "If," which articulated the code of high-Victorian masculinity in whose fragmentary shadow American men still come of age, "when all about you are losing theirs"; but in reality, the trick of being a man is to give the appearance of keeping your head when, deep inside, the truest part of you is crying out, Oh, shit!

For those of you who've posed the question "How are things going?" to me lately and gotten what appeared to be a cool and collected response like "Great!" or "Couldn't be better!" know that deep inside the truest part of me was crying out "Oh, shit!"



Monday, September 19, 2011

Mission Impossible

We spent Sunday afternoon at the State Fair. 

*Side note: For those interested, the State Fair is perhaps THE best place to do some people watching (well worth the $10 ticket) & coincidentally improve your self-esteem about your own appearance.

After being at the fair for at least 6 minutes we realize that we had come woefully unprepared with something to eat for our picky little toddler. Lucky for me, I was tasked with finding a suitable snack to calm the cries of my daughter. Here's the shopping list that my lovely wife armed me with:
- Fruit and/or vegetables
- Milk

Needless to say I spent the next 1/2 hour wandering hopelessly among the carnival rides, squeezing my way through the sweaty crowds, and holding my noise past the farm animals trying to successfully fulfill my fatherly duties.
Funnel cakes? Not even close
Deep fried twinkies? Um...tempting, but no thanks.
Chocolate-covered frozen banana? That's technically fruit...
Corn-on-the-cob? That might work, but the line is 1/2 mile long.

At last I returned with the spoils of my journey:
A strawberry-banana smoothie and a carton of vanilla milk.

Close enough, right?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Lyric of the Week - Just a Coincidence?

Pastor Dave gave a message at church a couple weeks ago (you can listen/watch it here if you're so inclined; August 21st, 2011) where he spoke about how "there are no coincidences" but that everything that happens is orchestrated by God & is part of His plan for our lives.
"Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you.
Dear God, I see your face in all I do.
Sometimes it's so hard to believe in.
Good God, I know you have your reasons"
As much as it's difficult to embrace the thought that you don't have full control over your life, at the same time it's such a relief to know that you don't have to have full control over your life. He'll take the reigns if you let Him.



Artist: Monsters of Folk
Song: Dear God (Sincerely M.O.F.)
Album: Monsters of Folk (2009) 

Monday, August 15, 2011

Lyric of the Week - Times Like These

Here are some words I wrote this past week following the passing of Grandpa O. They could use some music.

Do your thing, Paul.

Time waits for no one
As it swiftly passes by
Moments & memories
Holding on we will try
In times like these
Our faith is put to the test
In times like these
When Earth loses on of its best

In times like these
We must rely on each other
Gaining strength by leaning
On father, sister, mother, brother

In times like these we try
But words fail to express
Our feelings of doubt, heartache, 
Of pain, loss, & loneliness

But if we are faithful
Have love for our lost friend
In time we will re-unite
Be together in the end

Title: Times Like These (2011)

*update*
Here's a rough-cut of these words put to music by my good friend Paul Timothy. 

Friday, August 05, 2011

Lyric of the Week - Legacy

It is amazing to think of the number of lives who have come into being as a direct result of you, grandpa.
"Down the middle drops one more
Grain of sand
They say that
New life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
They helped ease the mind
I'll miss my old friend
And though you gotta go
We'll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out
One comes in"
It is only through the beautiful legacy that you have left behind that we are able to cope with such a tremendous loss.

I can only dream to be at least half the man you were. I'm proud to be one of those lives that exist because of you.

I love you Grandpa. I'll always keep a piece of your soul with me.

Wayne W. Ottley 1922-2011




Artist: Jack Johnson
Song: If I Could
Album: In Between Dreams (2005)