Faking It

This is one of the best books I've read in a long time (and I'm only halfway through).

Here's an excerpt from "Manhood for Amateurs" by Michael Chabon:

This is an essential element of the business of being a man: to flood everyone around you in a great radiant arc of bullshit, one whose source and object of greatest intensity is yourself. To behave as if you have everything firmly under control even when you have just sailed your boat over the falls. "To keep your head," wrote Rudyard Kipling in his classic poem "If," which articulated the code of high-Victorian masculinity in whose fragmentary shadow American men still come of age, "when all about you are losing theirs"; but in reality, the trick of being a man is to give the appearance of keeping your head when, deep inside, the truest part of you is crying out, Oh, shit!

For those of you who've posed the question "How are things going?" to me lately and gotten what appeared to be a cool and collected response like "Great!" or "Couldn't be better!" know that deep inside the truest part of me was crying out "Oh, shit!"

Mission Impossible

We spent Sunday afternoon at the State Fair. 

*Side note: For those interested, the State Fair is perhaps THE best place to do some people watching (well worth the $10 ticket) & coincidentally improve your self-esteem about your own appearance.

After being at the fair for at least 6 minutes we realize that we had come woefully unprepared with something to eat for our picky little toddler. Lucky for me, I was tasked with finding a suitable snack to calm the cries of my daughter. Here's the shopping list that my lovely wife armed me with:

- Fruit and/or vegetables

- Milk

Needless to say I spent the next 1/2 hour wandering hopelessly among the carnival rides, squeezing my way through the sweaty crowds, and holding my noise past the farm animals trying to successfully fulfill my fatherly duties.

Funnel cakes? Not even close

Deep fried twinkies? Um...tempting, but no thanks.

Chocolate-covered frozen banana? That's technically fruit...

Corn-on-the-cob? That might work, but the line is 1/2 mile long.

At last I returned with the spoils of my journey:

A strawberry-banana smoothie and a carton of vanilla milk.

Close enough, right?

Lyric of the Week - Just a Coincidence?

Pastor Dave gave a message at church a couple weeks ago (you can listen/watch it here if you're so inclined; August 21st, 2011) where he spoke about how "there are no coincidences" but that everything that happens is orchestrated by God & is part of His plan for our lives.

"Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you.

Dear God, I see your face in all I do.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe in.

Good God, I know you have your reasons"

As much as it's difficult to embrace the thought that you don't have full control over your life, at the same time it's such a relief to know that you don't have to have full control over your life. He'll take the reigns if you let Him.

Artist: Monsters of Folk

Song: Dear God (Sincerely M.O.F.)

Album: Monsters of Folk (2009) 

Lyric of the Week - Times Like These

Here are some words I wrote this past week following the passing of Grandpa O. They could use some music.

Do your thing, Paul.

Time waits for no one
As it swiftly passes by
Moments & memories
Holding on we will try

In times like these

Our faith is put to the test

In times like these

When Earth loses on of its best

In times like these

We must rely on each other

Gaining strength by leaning

On father, sister, mother, brother

In times like these we try

But words fail to express

Our feelings of doubt, heartache, 

Of pain, loss, & loneliness

But if we are faithful

Have love for our lost friend

In time we will re-unite

Be together in the end

Title: Times Like These (2011)

*update*
Here's a rough-cut of these words put to music by my good friend Paul Timothy. 

Lyric of the Week - Legacy

It is amazing to think of the number of lives who have come into being as a direct result of you, grandpa.

"Down the middle drops one more
Grain of sand
They say that
New life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
They helped ease the mind
I'll miss my old friend
And though you gotta go
We'll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out
One comes in"

It is only through the beautiful legacy that you have left behind that we are able to cope with such a tremendous loss.

I can only dream to be at least half the man you were. I'm proud to be one of those lives that exist because of you.

I love you Grandpa. I'll always keep a piece of your soul with me.

Wayne W. Ottley 1922-2011

Artist: Jack Johnson

Song: If I Could

Album: In Between Dreams (2005)

Lyric of the Week - Everybody's Got Their Own Everything

I was listening to this song by Eddie Vedder this week and had planned to post it with no more explanation other than "Food for thought".

"It's a mystery to me
We have a greed with which we have agreed
You think you have to want more than you need
Until you have it all you won't be free

When you want more than you have
You think you need
And when you think more than you want
Your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place
'Cause when you have more than you think
You need more space"

I was then reading a blog written by an architect called think|architect in which the author highlighted a song called '41 Lawnmowers' by Billy Crockett which I think illustrates my thoughts even better. Click here to read it.

Artist: Eddie Vedder

Song: Society

Album: music for the motion picture Into the Wild (2007)

Bucket List

I'm officially creating my bucket list.

Item #1: Ride cross-country (USA) on my bicycle (east-west-->maybe...north-south--> more likely)

The idea has been bouncing around in my head for a few years now and I've probably only verbalized it to 2 or 3 people. Today, however, after coming across a blog written by a married couple from Salt Lake who are currently a few months into a ride across Canada I was inspired to officially put my goal in writing.

This is not intended to be a solo tour; so now I just need to convince someone else to come along with me!

Lyric of the Week - I'm...sorry?

"She's gonna be pissed when she wakes up for terrible things I did to her in her dreams"

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Just me?

Almost equally frustrating is when your spouse is mad at you for something you actually did do, however you have no idea what that thing is.

Being A Good Husband: 101 --> Always have a stockpile of "I'm Sorry" s at the ready. You're gonna need them.

Artist: Ben Folds

Song: Trusted

Album: Songs for Silverman (2005)

Lyric of the Week - Hip & Cool or just (C)old Hips?

Even when I was 'young & hip' I don't think I was really young & hip but rather more like 'young & average'. Recently, however, it has become readily apparent to me that I'm now even further removed from the in-crowd and have become 'old & uncool'. Our recent trip to Lagoon revealed to both me & Breck that we must be getting older because we no longer dress in current fashions and we kept thinking to ourselves (& often out-loud to each other) that kids just seem to be getting younger and younger.

When I was in junior high and high school I -- like most teenagers -- felt like an adult; I knew it all. Especially after high school as I got into college I thought I knew what life was about and could anticipate what was to come.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

For those like me who have gained a few years of perspective it has become clear that it's not clear. As the name of my blog indicates, even my hindsight is not quite 20/20.

One thing I am sure of is:

"When we were your age we were older than you"

I look at kids in their late teens and early 20s and they're just that -- kids. I can't believe Breck and I got married when we were that young! Our parent's must have been crazy to allow that to happen. On second thought, they must have known what they (or we) were doing because that decision I made as a 'kid' was the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Are you listening, Skye? Even though you think you know what's going on, it's really your parents calling the shots. Listen to them.

Even if they are old with creaking knees and hips.

Artist: Gary Jules

Song: Barstool

Album: Trading Snakeoil for Wolftickets (2009)

Lyric of the Week - Yours, Mine, & Ours

As we were wrapping up a fun-filled holiday weekend spent with family I was overcome with emotion as I watched my lovely wife interact with our beautiful daughter and my loving family:

We spent the last few days of our trip with my family at our wonderful Croxford Cabin overlooking beautiful Bear Lake. As we were packing things up and preparing to head home I paid particular attention to Breck's attitude and emotions toward my family. Though I'm not sure why, I was anticipating Breck conveying a feeling of relief at the conclusion of our vacation and a sense of urgency to return home; to my delight and surprise I witnessed the exact opposite. All weekend I had observed from afar Breck's casual, comfortable, and easy conversations and interactions with my family and now although our bags were packed and the car was loaded and ready to go we both lingered, hoping to delay our long drive home. We lazily chatted with my family about nothing in particular and let the kids play together just a little bit longer. 

As a continuation of our reunion from the previous weekend and because family was still in town visiting, a day trip to Lagoon was planned for yesterday. Even though I was stuck at work and couldn't go, Breck had no hesitations about taking Skye to join the fun with the other cousins. Yesterday evening after the girls returned from their outing I was treated to stories and photos conveying what a fun time was had by everyone; further emphasizing that I missed out on the party.

"In the door she's waiting, living up to every diamond in that ring.

Who am I to love you?"

Even though Breck "joined" the family over a decade ago and officially became a Croxford more than 9 years ago it is still such a joy to me to see how my family has welcomed her and loved her and equally a joy to see how she has embraced them as her own. There is no longer 'hers' and 'mine' but each of our extended families have become 'ours'.

I don't deserve such a wonderful wife and hope she never realizes she could do better.



Artist: The Samples
Song: Who Am I?
Album: Transmissions from the Sea of Tranquility (1997)

Lyric of the Week - Listen

These lyrics require no explanation. Music can change the world.

"Hear a song.
You sing along.
The words...you identify.
You don't feel so alone tonight.
So rest your soul now,
'Cause music saves your life.

Artist: Ian Love
Song: Hear a Song
Album: Ian Love (2006)

Lyric of the Week

After leaving the testing center last week on the verge of tears (okay maybe a few tears sneaked out; but no one was there to see it) because I had just blown another test, I was not feeling like it was "a wonderful world". Immediately upon getting in the car to drive...somewhere (I didn't want to go home) this song was playing on the radio:

"I see trees of green, red roses too
I see 'em bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself; what a wonderful world


I see skies of blue, clouds of white
Bright blessed days, dark sacred nights
And I think to myself; what a wonderful world


The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really sayin' "I love you"


I hear babies cry; I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself; what a wonderful world"

Thank you satellite radio for knowing exactly what I needed to hear.

Artist: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Song: Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World

Album: Facing Future (1993)

(Original song by George David Weiss & Bob Thiele and sung by Louis Armstrong; c1968)

Lyric of the Week - Dad's Day

I missed my usual Friday lyric post because I was busy all day pouring concrete in my backyard (I'll post more about that when the project is done).


Then I was busy again all day Saturday taking a test for 5 hours in the morning and again working on the concrete patio project for the rest of the day.


So finally this morning, here's my lyric of the week:


Regardless of a few recent setbacks and struggles I still find motivation to continue onward. I still find joy daily.

How?

"Just the sound of my little girl laughing makes me happy just to be alive."

Thanks Skye, for making me a dad and giving me the most rewarding and fulfilling "job" I could ever want.

I love you.

Artist: Everclear

Song: Song From An American Movie, Pt. 1

Album: Songs From An American Movie, Vol. 1 - Learning How To Smile (2004)  
THen

In the Morning

Everyone in the house is sleeping peacefully when the alarm clock breaks the silence at 5:30 am. In the 2.4 seconds it takes me to shut off the alarm our two dogs have gone from zero to full-speed. They run around, jump in the air, pant loudly, and pace back and forth eagerly awaiting their breakfast followed by a quick walk around the neighborhood.

Rather than allow the dogs' high energy level to be infectious, I just find it annoying.

The reason for the difference in our morning attitude? While I busily get myself ready to head out for 8 hours at the office, Soda & Mel are preparing themselves for settling in to their beds for 8 more hours of sleep.

Lyric of the Week - Glass Half Full

For those that follow my blog (probably just Adri) you may have noticed that the last few weeks (months?) of posts have had a bit of a negative tone. Not to worry; things are looking up. My current outlook on life has improved and can be summed up as:

"I'm almost perfect...some of the time"

 That's positive, right?

Artist: Counting Crows

Song: Anyone But You

Album: Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings (2008)

Lyric of the Week

I'm getting quite sick of people flaking out. If you say your going to do something then please just do it. If you can't do it, fine; just tell me that so I can make other plans.

"I don't know a thing about a thing that I am sayin'. All I know is that I tell the truth"

I don't claim to be perfect and I don't expect others to be either. What I do expect is for people to be truthful. Is that too much to ask?

Artist: Showoff

Song: Tell Me

Album: Showoff (1999)

Lyric of the Week

Even though this last Wednesday, May 25th passed without much happening out of the ordinary it was actually mine and Breck's 9th wedding anniversary. I think we may have briefly said "happy anniversary" to each other during our normal morning rush as we headed out the door; no excitement or fanfare whatsoever. Admittedly I woke up that morning not even remembering the significance of the day and might not have said anything at all if Breck hadn't initiated the greeting. It's not that I don't/didn't remember that May 25th is our anniversary it's just that since we have plans for a quick romantic getaway this weekend I kind of had it in my head that today (Friday, May 27th) was our anniversary. For that reason I hadn't planned on giving Breck my usual hand-made card/poem until the weekend.

Not a smart idea I realized as Wednesday evening was winding down and we were getting ready to go to bed when Breck not-so-subtly mentioned she didn't get a gift or a card or any real acknowledgment of the significance of the day from me. 

Oh, I...umm...

Though not a huge blunder this little incident can be added to the very long and ever-growing list of mistakes I continue to make; almost daily. But despite my many faults, shortcomings, and other various offenses my lovely wife chooses to remain just that: my lovely wife. She continues to love me and to take me as I am.

"I can't go back and I don't want to 'cause all my mistakes they brought me to you."

So instead of having regrets I'm thankful for all that has happened in my past because it has resulted in my present; and today is great.

I love you, Breck. Happy Anniversary.

Artist: The Avett Brothers

Song: All My Mistakes

Album: Emotionalism (2007) 

Lyric of the Week

As the title of this blog indicates: I don't know what I'm doing. That has never been more evident than this week.

Failing DIY projects. Failing test scores. Failing tasks at work.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could live twice in just one life; and then we'd know what to do"

Maybe I'll get it right in the next life.

Artist: The Promise Ring

Song: Skips A Beat (Over You)

Album: Very Emergency (1999)

Lyric of the Week

Despite the news this morning that we were awarded two new projects, I’m still feeling a little bit nervous about the uncertain future of our firm. At the end of next week one of my colleagues (and our firm’s senior architect) will retire. Last month two of our other architects left the firm (voluntarily) within a week of each other for supposed greener pastures. In December our longest-tenured architect at the firm decided to move on to bigger & better things; and last August one of our Intern Architects (& former classmate of mine) left to go work for his uncle’s architectural firm.

So if you’re keeping track that’s five architects in less than 9 months who have left our firm.

Is there something in the water? Is it the lack of windows in our office? Maybe it’s all the exposed denim insulation in the ceiling?

It could have something to do with the two across-the-board pay cuts we've received in the last year...

Just a thought.

I'm still here, but I have to speculate that I may be next. I can't help but wonder:

"Am I part of the cure? Or am I part of the disease?"

Artist: Coldplay

Song: Clocks

Album: A Rush of Blood to the Head (2002)

Lyric of the Week

Because this song was written by two brothers for their mom who raised them without their dad around there are a couple of lines in the song that are pertinent to my situation. However their love and caring for their mother is very evident.

Mom, because your one of the two people that actually read this blog I know you'll get this message:

I love you mom. You taught me how to love and care. You taught me kindness and respect. You taught me hard work. You made me into the man I am today (I hope you take that as the compliment it was intended) .

"Always, always and forever

I'm sitting here
I'm thinking back to a time when I was young
My memory is clear as day
I'm listening to the dishes clink
You were downstairs you would sing
Songs of praise
And all the times we laughed with you
And all the times that you stayed true to us

Now we'll say thank you
I'll always thank you
More than you could know
Than I could ever show
And I love you
I'll always love you
There's nothing I won't do
To say these word to you
That you're beautiful forever

Always, always and forever

You were my mom, you were my dad
The only thing I ever had was you, it's true
And even when the times got hard
You were there to let us know that we'd get through
You showed me how to be a man
You taught me how to understand
The things people do
You showed me how to love my God
You taught me that not everyone knows the truth

And I thank you
I'll always thank you
More than you could know
Than I could ever show
And I love you
I'll always love you
There's nothing I won't do
To say these words to you
That you will live forever

Forever and ever"

*NOTE: The recording I have of this song is from their album and is actually a secret song that plays after the last track. Because my audio editing skills are not up to par, I simply uploaded the entire file, so this week you get two-for-one on songs. Fast forward to the 4:43 mark where the Thank You Mom song begins.

Artist: Good Charlotte

Song: Thank You Mom

Album: Good Charlotte (2000)

Lyric of the Week

"You don't choose the memories that stay with you all your life
You think you do, but they choose you, and then they hold on tight"

No offense other birthdays, but 29 was pretty great. Despite the sense of dread I felt leading up to entering the last year of my young adult life, things turned out okay.

Never before do I remember Breck planning ahead so far; going to so much effort; and getting so excited to give me a gift. I guess twenty-three was pretty great too -- my 'golden birthday' when I turned 23 on the 23rd -- when Breck gave me 1 gift each day of April (although I don't remember exactly what any of those 23 gifts were).

Yep, I am truly blessed. Even though I'm sure Breck would describe me as her pain-causer, she is my painkiller. 

So I guess being twenty-nine is not so bad after all. It's thirty I have to worry about...  

Artist: Jim Bianco

Song: Painkiller

Album: Sing (2008) 

P.S. I want to learn this song on the piano, but can't find the sheet music. Anyone? 

Lyric of the Week

With my upcoming 29th birthday tomorrow I can feel the big 3-0 looming not too far in the future.

I feel old.

So it brought a smile to my face the other day when this MxPx song came blasting through my ear buds. Admittedly I don't listen to this type of music very often anymore as my musical tastes have mellowed a bit, so I would typically skip to the next track; but for whatever reason I let it play through this time.

I'm glad I did.

This song reminds me of simpler days. Days with few worries. Days when I only cared about listening to music and trying to impress girls. Now that I think about it, maybe things aren't so different today after all (although my target audience of girls has now been reduced to a limited few).

"Can I call you sweetheart, or even baby doll?
If I had your number, you'd be getting a phone call
Can I leave you a message on your machine?
Letting you know that you're the bomb and you blew up on me

Are you anxious to see me after your next class?
Do you care when I tell you; step around that broken glass?

Can I see you after you get out of school?
I won't even mind it if you treat me cruel
Take a ride on my Vespa; I'll take you home
I'll climb up to your window and read you a poem

Are you anxious to see me after your next class?
Do you care when I tell you; step around that broken glass?

I know that you beleive in the one true God above
And that's why you're waiting for your one and only love
Do your feet hurt? Did you fall from heaven?
'Cause you been running through my mind all day
My mind don't mind

I don't know what to say or do
I can't eat when I'm with you
Goodnight sweetheart I gotta go
And you won't come to my next show?"

Artist: MxPx
Song: Do Your Feet Hurt?
Album: Life In General (1996)

Lyric of the Week

Because things have seemed out-of-sorts lately and not what I had anticipated:

"Maybe it's up with the stars

Maybe it's under the sea

Maybe it's not very far

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be

This is how it's supposed to be

Maybe it's trapped in a jar

Something we've already seen

Maybe it's nowhere at all

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be

This is how it's supposed to be

Looking forward as we rewind

Looking back is a trap sometimes

Being here is so easy to do

If you want to"

Artist: Jack Johnson
Song: Supposed To Be
Album: Sing-A-Longs and Lullabies (2006)

From Boy to Man (almost)

As I opened the door and we were walking into the garage our conversation went something like this:

Aiden (age 6): So, this is your garage?

Preston (age 28): Yup

A: So, where's your chainsaw?

P: Um, I don't have one.

A: Well why not?

P: I guess I've never needed one

A: Oh, well I think you need to go buy one.

It became clear to me tonight after spending a few hours with a six-year-old boy that I've forgotten what it's like to be a six-year-old boy.
I've forgotten what it's like to be covered in dirt and not care; to ask questions about guy stuff like "which one's the strongest?"; "who can run the fastest?"; "which color is the best?"; "how much does that weigh?"; "is that the most expensive?"; and "which one is the biggest?"
I've forgotten what it's like to climb on a pile of dirt just because it's there; or to want to "build something" just because it feels like a manly thing to do.
I've forgotten what it's like to have the attention span of, well...a 6-year-old boy.

I don't know how it happened, but it appears that I've officially turned from a boy to a man; if I just get myself a chainsaw, that is.

Lyric of the Week

"If you don't have someone to do it with it's not worth doing"

I've had this simple lyric running through my head the last few weeks as I continue to more fully understand the fact that I wouldn't/couldn't do the things I do daily without the loving support of my beautiful wife (that's supposed to be a compliment, by the way).

Then, earlier this week, I came across some writings by Napoleon Hill that helped me clarify in my mind exactly what I was thinking.  Napoleon Hill, according to Wikipedia "was an American author who was one of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature. He is widely considered to be one of the great writers on success. His most famous work, Think and Grow Rich, is one of the best-selling books of all time."  Hill coined the term "Master Mind"  and in his book The Law of Success defines the Master Mind as “a mind that is developed through the harmonious co-operation of two or more people who ally themselves for the purpose of accomplishing any given task.”  Hill argues that a master mind can be formed between any two individuals but it has its greatest power when developed between and man & a woman (particularly if they are married):

"A man and wife may live together, accumulate a fair sized or even greater fortune, rear and educate a family, without the bond of harmony which is essential for the development of a Master Mind. But all of these alliances might be made more powerful and effective if based upon a foundation of perfect harmony, thus permitting the development of a supplemental power known as the Master Mind.
Plain co-operative effort produces power; there can be no doubt about this; but cooperative effort that is based upon complete harmony of purpose develops super-power.”

Admittedly Breck and I don't always exactly see eye-to-eye on things, but ultimately I believe we have "harmony of purpose" in how we run our household and raise our beautiful little girl.

Note to self: I'm so lucky to be where I am doing what I'm doing with the people I love.

The second line of the chorus follows with:           

"To all my friends, it's not the end. The earth has not swallowed me yet"

Artist: 311
Song: Freak Out
Album: Music (1994)

Lyric of the Week

The answer is "no" I couldn't have been anyone other than who I am or, as I posted here, chosen any other career path than I did.

"Could I have been
A parking lot attendant
Could I have been
A millionaire in Bel Air
Could I have been Lost somewhere in Paris
Could I have been
Your little brother
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Anyone

He stands touching his hair his shoes untied
Tongue gaping stare
Could I have been a magnet for money?
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Twenty [eight] and so tired of life
Such a shame to throw it all away
The images grow darker still
Could I have been anyone other than me? Then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

I am who I am who I am who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Sing and dance I'll play for you tonight
And thrill at it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I'll work it out then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

Falling out of a world of lies
Could I have been dancing nancy
Could I have been anyone other than me?"

Artist: Dave Matthews Band
Song: Dancing Nancies
Album: Under the Table and Dreaming (1994)

Infecting Positivity

Today what I do should be meaningful
Today what I do needs to matter
Today doesn’t have to be something huge
Just take what's good & make it better

I want to be a person with purpose
A thing that produces good results
Today I want to feel all of these things
Instead I just want to hurl insults

Don't Believe the Hype

We got cocky!

Though we were always cautious when saying it, Breck and I continually boasted to anyone who'd listen about how well-behaved our beautiful baby Skye was.

In the back of our minds I think we both knew it couldn't last; but we held out hope until...

It came from out of nowhere.

A week full of tantrums and tears. Completely unprepared we were faced with inconsolable & uncontrollable, seemingly out of nowhere and for no apparent reason whining, crying, kicking and screaming. It appeared as though our perfect little 16-month-old child was having a premature case of the terrible-twos.

Though things have simmered down over the last few days I was still worried that Skye's "Day of Dad" today was potentially going to be miserable for both of us.
(Disclaimer: It wasn't technically an entire day as I did go to work; but "Morning & Evening with Father" doesn't quite have the same ring to it)
Our morning routine was fairly typical as Skye is used to Dad waking her up and his futile attempts at picking out matching clothes and brushing her hair. This morning, however, we cruised the 1/2 mile to school by bike instead of our usual route by foot.
 
It is usually Breck who pick's Skye up from her daycare so I was anxious that when Dad showed up she'd be less than thrilled. To my delight her eyes lit up as I walked in to the room a she came beaming toward me as I scooped her up and headed home for the evening.
 
My missing Skye had returned.
 
Our evening was filled with giggles and smiles as we rode our bike, walked to the store, played with the dogs, ate dinner, chased each other around the house, watched a tv show together, played with balloons, took a bath, read some books, ate a bedtime snack, and laid down in bed without so much as a squirm, wiggle, or peep.

Uh oh, maybe I shouldn't have written this; I might have just jinxed it... 

 

Lyric of the Week

I'm stressed out. 

I (& many of those around me daily) have been in panic mode this last week as I speculate about my uncertain future.

These reassuring words help (sort of):

"It's not the end of the world. Oh no, it's not even the end of the day"

So while I was feeling optimistic about my extra time at home earlier this week (I finally trimmed our overgrown backyard tree so hopefully our poor garden can get some rays of sun this year) the last couple days of late nights (at work, ironically) and crappy weather have brought me back down.



Artist: Beady Eye
Song: The Beat Goes On
Album: Different Gear, Still Speeding (2011)

Lyric of the Week

I sometimes complain that I'm always working to much.  Suddenly this week I was told I can't work so much.  Is that a good thing? We'll see...

"...When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years. Then they expect you to pick a career. When you can't really function you're so full of fear. A working class hero is something to be...

There's room at the top they are telling you still. But first you must learn how to smile as you kill. If you want to be like the folks on the hill. A working class hero is something to be..."

Artist: John Lennon
Song: Working Class Hero
Album: John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band (1970)

Lyric(s) of the Week

The new iPad2 is going on sale today. As much as I think I need it, I know that I don't. As John Mayer says:

"How come everything I think I need always come with batteries?"

This topic of wants versus needs has been on my mind a lot lately as I've been trying to strip away a lot of the unnecessary excess in my life. It was fitting, then, that while listening to music on my way to work one day this song sung by Jeff Buckley came through my earbuds:

"How many times have you heard someone say: 'If I had money I would do things my way?'  But little they know that it's so hard to find one rich man in ten with a satisfied mind.

Money can't buy back all your youth when you're old; a friend when you're lonely; or peace to your soul.  The wealthiest person is a pauper at times.  Compared to the man with a satisfied mind.

When my life is over and my time has run out; my friends and my loved ones I will leave there's no doubt.  But one thing's for certain when it comes my time, I'll leave this old world with a satisfied mind."

Artist: Jeff Buckley (originally sung by Porter Wagoner in 1956) written by Joe Hayes & Jack Rhodes
Song: Satisfied Mind
Album: Sketches (For My Sweetheart the Drunk) - 1998



Artist: John Mayer
Song: Something's Missing
Album: Heavier Things (2003)

 

Lyric of the Week

Although many things out of my control seem to be happening around me lately I'm continually reminding myself that if I want my life to follow the path I desire I have make a plan and steer the ship.

"Now you finally know that you control where you go. You can steer."  

Artist: Missy Higgins
Song: Steer
Album: On A Clear Night (2007)

What's My Excuse?

Girls can blame sudden emotional outbursts or out-of-nowhere crying on "that time of the month" or pregnancy. I saw this commercial on tv the other day and a immediately had tears in my eyes. What's my excuse?

Luke Sky(e)walker or is it Skye Lukewalker?

Her arms outstretched like Frankenstein
Determined; no sign fear
One unsteady foot in from of another
As parents' stand by and cheer
Skye can fly -- or so it seems
As she beams with smiles so proud
With those tiny toes now she goes
Wherever she's allowed
New freedom has come and soon she'll run
And jump, and dance, and play
The world is new and as you explore
Mom & Dad are never far away

Lyric of the Week

I've been a little bit depressed lately. I'll be turning 29 in a couple of months so the big 3-0 is quickly approaching. I always planned to be a millionaire by the time I turned 30. I guess "planned" is not the correct word to use here. I hoped to have a million dollars in the bank by now. There was no actual planning involved and I suppose that is the problem. I've dubbed 2011 as "The Year of Attacking Debt" because lets face it 

"I still owe money, to the money, to the money I owe"

In my attempt to be successful and realistic in this venture I'm accepting that my mortgage and student loans are going nowhere anytime soon. They'll be hanging over my head for many years to come (although I've got news for you Bank of America, I have no intention of living in my current home for 29 more years so you'll hopefully get your money back much sooner than the year 2040). So while I continue to pay the minimum payments on my student loans and mortgage for the time being I've got ambitions to "attack" some credit card and personal loan debt in 2011 and get some of those many monkeys off my back.

Now where to begin?

"Hey boss, can I get a raise...?"



Artist: The National
Song: Bloodbuzz Ohio
Album: High Violet (2010)

I Am Me

I can't even explain how accurately this architect's description of himself matches my own thoughts and traits exactly. Guess that's affirmation that I'm on the correct career path :)

Lyric of the Week

In the spirit of the upcoming holiday I wanted to find some words that would help me articulate my love to my Valentine. There are obviously countless songs and lyrics out there written with love as their inspiration. Thus, there are any number songs I could have picked to adequately express my feelings but I felt that these few lines summed it up with right amount of thoughtfulness and humor and describe almost perfectly the way I feel about Breck: 

“Someone who’ll make me laugh – someone to be my better half – keep me warm under the sack – share with me my midnight snack”

Artist: Hayden
Song: Bad As They Seem
Album: Everything I Long For (1996)

Lyric of the Week

I had a couple other lyrics in mind that I was going to highlight this week but this morning on my way to work I heard this tune by Nada Surf (yes that Nada Surf) and for whatever reason it resonated with me. Not that I have any specific weight I feel I'm carrying around at the moment, but it just felt like a good thing to remember next time I'm feeling weighed down:

"Maybe this weight was a gift. Like I had to see what I could lift"

Artist: Nada Surf
Song: Do It Again
Album: The Weight Is a Gift (2005)

Also see 1 Corinthians 10:13

I [heart] Hearts

It started a few days ago while browsing through a box of saved items of Breck's that Colleen had been storing at her house. There was our wedding announcement/invite from our nuptials way back in 2002. Breck was examining its detail and remembering how she had hand-tied each ribbon on the cards. She also noticed a detail she hadn't remembered being there before (all the details seemed new to me as I had no interest or opinion at the time what the announcements looked like & I don't think I ever took more than 1/2 second to really look at them; if it didn't have our names on it I probably wouldn't have been able to pick it out of a lineup). On the background of the card was written LOVE; or more accurately

L O

YE 

Neither of us had remembered that the "V" was written with a heart (how cute!)

Since then it seems I've been seeing this display of love everywhere I look. It's not even February yet and already I'm being inundated with all things Valentine's Day. Every bit of advertising is colored with pink and red and covered in hearts. The word LOVE is plastered all over everything. Yesterday Breck and I were comparing the LYVE pattern she just sewed on a shirt for Skye versus the LOYE displayed on a Krispy Kreme ad I was drooling over (actually the "O" was a donut and the "V" was a heart-shaped cookie).

 
I've never been hesitant to vocalize my dislike (okay maybe not 'dislike'...how 'bout 'indifference') for this frilly holiday. I claim to loathe the cheesy Valentine card or the silly love song yet every year I find myself sitting down to write my own version of a sappy love poem.  Why do I do this? They all tend to sound somewhat similar because really how many different ways can you say 'I love you'?
 
As this LOVEly season approaches I begin to anticipate what words I could write to my Valentine to express my feelings. I'm continually interested and amazed by song lyrics and occasionally write them down for future reference or use but they are disorganized, sporadic, and scattered in various places. I want to start a habit of writing down a song lyric at least once a week (its still January, so not too late to start a New Year's Resolution, right?) to post here so that I can remember and reference them later.  Here's one I came across the other day:
 

"Some people wanna fill the whole world with silly love songs. And what's wrong with that?"

- 'Silly Love Songs' by Paul McCartney

 
This year, same as every year, I've got no money to buy her jewelry. We have no time to take a romantic vacation (and who takes romantic vacations after they have kids, anyway?). I may give her a gift as suggested in a PSA I saw yesterday: "Give the one you love something special this year for Valentine's Day: check yourself for testicular cancer". But who am I kidding, that's a gift for me as much as anyone else:) So although I feel that they may have lost some of their emphasis and charm over the years and are getting a bit repetitive (did I already say that?), I will continue to write Breck silly love poems every year (I wish I could write music...maybe some day) because I know she loves them. And what's wrong with that?